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A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
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The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said \'no\'.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don\'t think.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
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Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don\'t think.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
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The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
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Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said \'I want a skip outside my house.\' He said \'I\'m not stopping you.\'
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
It\'s clearly a budget. It\'s got a lot of numbers in it.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
I don\'t approve of political jokes... I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
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Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
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A man can\'t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
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A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
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After I\'m dead I\'d rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Barab?si\'s Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ? whether it is correct or not.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
My last cow just died, so I won\'t need your bull anymore.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
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> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
I\'d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he\'d lie just to keep his hand in.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that\'s how dogs spend their lives.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It\'s pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
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A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
If women didn\'t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
Diplomacy is the art of saying \'Nice doggie!\'... \'til you can find a rock.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
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I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
I\'d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
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A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I\'ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
I Can\'t Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don\'t Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
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Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
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If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
I don\'t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
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Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
I don\'t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
Outside of a dog, a book is man\'s best friend. Inside of a dog, it\'s too dark to read.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
I\'m fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
When you\'ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
Am I lightheaded because I\'m not dead or because I\'m still alive?
It\'s wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
A man can\'t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
In this war ? as in others ? I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
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You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you\'ll be afraid to cough.
Throughout American history, the government has said we\'re in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It\'s a hoax.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said \'I want a skip outside my house.\' He said \'I\'m not stopping you.\'
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You\'d be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I\'m going to miss mine by just a few days.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don\'t add up.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that\'s ok because you\'ll be a mile away from him and you\'ll have his shoes.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There\'s also a negative side
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Three o\'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other\'s children.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said \'I want a skip outside my house.\' He said \'I\'m not stopping you.\'
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
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When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
My last cow just died, so I won\'t need your bull anymore.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT\'S relativity.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
I\'d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn\'t have an air force.
I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I\'m going to miss mine by just a few days.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
I\'m not a member of any organized political party, I\'m a Democrat!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
Minsky\'s Second Law: Don\'t just do something. Stand there.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
It\'s impossible to experience one\'s death objectively and still carry a tune.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there\'s no risk of accident for someone who\'s dead.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
The company doesn\'t tell me what to say, and I don\'t tell themwhere to stick it.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
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Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
We\'re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
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We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
I don\'t know why we are here, but I\'m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you\'re pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy...
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
Don\'t be so humble - you are not that great.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
I don\'t know anything about music. In my line you don\'t have to.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
We\'ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
Gigerenzer\'s Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you\'re gonna get.
One doesn\'t have a sense of humor. It has you.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one\'s doubts.
I\'m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn\'t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
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I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
I\'m not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
I don\'t pray because I don\'t want to bore God.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
I don\'t approve of political jokes... I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.
I have an existential map; it has \'you are here\' written all over it.
Anyone who starts a sentence, \'With all due respect ...\' is about to insult you.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can\'t get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
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They laughed when I said I\'d be a comedian. They aren\'t laughing now.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Don\'t drive me crazy -- it\'s within walking distance.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said \'no\'.
If you can count your money, you don\'t have a billion dollars.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
I\'m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
We don\'t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
I\'m Jewish. I don\'t work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren\'t, then I\'d be a teacher.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/15/(Sun) 21:20
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